Title: musician healer

Gender: Female

Age: 48

Sun Sign: Taurus

Chinese Sign: Metal Rat

Location: Boulder, Colorado

I have always felt connected to nature and a higher power.  I remember as a child - I was in the backyard and I was looking up throuhg the trees to the sky with clouds and thought “there must be a creator of such beautty!”

I did not have the best role model, my Dad was manic-depressive, prone to rages and was an alcoholic and smoked cigarettes. In other words he appeared to me to be “special, powerful and in control”. I wanted to be just like Dad!!!

I started drinking around age ten, doing drugs and smoking pot around age 12.  I did acid a lot during high school - searching for something - I don't even know what. I dreamed of becoming a hermit and living alone in a cabin up in the mountains. Society was a mess (not me) and people were not to be trusted.

In college I proceeded to drink more and more and my anger was growing ever so hot. Especially after my Dad died in '83.

Things excalated - drinking becoming ever worse and cocaine messing with my brain. At the age of 27 I was totally disillusioned, angry and depressed. To make a long story short I guess you could say resentment got me sober. Long story, but my brother (12 years older than me) that I only remember growing up as scary to put it lightly. He came to visit us for Thanksgiving in Niwot Colorado. I was in Boulder living with my sister. The night before the holiday I proceeded to get drunk on the job with a couple other women and then to the bar until closing time. At that point, I was pretty much drinking every day and night.

Thanksgiving day found me (as usual) terribly hungover. All that kept running through my mind was “I am so sick of feeling sick and tired”, “I can't go on like this” and on and on. My sister wanted me to go with her out to my mom's  and I kept telling her ” not if that *^%&$ brother was going to be there. This is missing a lot of details bu I dont' want to bore any one to death.  My sister left and I fell on the floor  into a fetal position praying over and over “God, please help me!” I cried and cried. I got up, passed the kitchen, tempted by the alcohol in the fridge and again thinking “I'm so sick of this!” and I looked up and over to the corner of the living room and there was the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that a friend had loaned to me a few months before. It really was like a burning bush!

I read the first couple of chapters and thought ” Oh my God! Where have I been?” I called my friend and told her everything and she drove over and took me to an AA meeting. Terrifying but I knew I was home.

It's been 18 years since that day without a drink. But I was a mess for many years as shortly after quitting that alcohol I had a full blown psychotic manic episode although it didn't get diagnosed until the mext year when it happened a ll over again.
I have plenty of stories if anyone thinks my sharing could benefit another I would be glad to share them. To be short - I had many severe mood swings, a lot of depression and anger and experimentation with many psychotropic medications.

I share this story because it may someone else. I no longer regret the past as I feel every experience I have ever been through has gotten me to where I am now.

Where am I now! It's just another day in Heaven! Believe me, I have been in Hell! I strongly believe that Heaven and Hell are right here on earth. Maybe there is another form of heaven when we pass on- I don't know - but some days I can't imagine how I could feel any more elated, amazed, excited, grateful and loving and loved some days! And I can't think of a more beautiful place than this incredibel planet we live on -(except maybe big nebula's of energies of different colors - arora borealousand space type stuff - sometimes I have dreams like that).

I started out telling you I have always felt connected to nature and a higher power. At last I feel connected to my human family. Oh how resistant I was  - but some days it's like we are all one!  Hard to explain these things.

My old sponsor, the friend that took me to the meeting on Thanksgiving, told me not too long ago that she believes the biggest reason we are here is to learn how to give and recieve LOVE! I believe simarily the most important things are to love, worship and connect to our creator and love one another.

My music adventures are a whole other story but you can find out more by visiting my music website http://www.lauriedameron.us/!!!

Favorite qoutes:

We are all beautiful grains of sand on a beautiful beach!

Dont' be afraid of the times you fail but of all the opportunites you miss by not trying!

Usually we think that brave people have no fear.  The truth is that they are intimate with fear.            ~ Pema Chodron

A resentment is nothing more than a premeditated resentment!

I'm going to sing like I don't need the money
                      love like Im never going to get hurt
                      and dance like nobody's watching!

Member Since: Thursday, April 27 2006

Last Visit: 17 days ago.

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